just a well meaning hipster.

i think it's time to clear up this misconception that the whole world is out to get me. that aditude is both egotistical (a big word meaning selfish) and counterproductive (a bigger word meaning the opposite of useful).

exhibit a. 

i'm backing out of my drive way, late for work, and i hear a suspicious clicking sound. i shift roughly to neutral and engage the emergency brake as i jump out of the car to find my fog light, dangling by a few scraggly wires like a miserable loose tooth. great. i wedge it into its fog light hole and tell it to stay. then i speed off to work. 

a few hours later i am pulling out of said work place when this giant crevice magically appears before me. there is a scraping followed by a bumping/crashing, then more scraping as i pull through the "pothole" (that could be more accurately described as a large pit or perhaps a shallow well).

im a bit shaken, dare i say preoccupied, as i approach a red light and see a particularly disheveled homeless man running toward my car waving both hands wildly in the air. you can see he is distressed as he shouts something at my car. 

naturally, i stop the car and ask him how I can help leaving him with any cash i happen to have in my wallet. 

false. 

i never carry a wallet, and my natural reaction when any person runs at me waving his/her arms wildly is to run away. which i did. 

two blocks later, i hear a pathetic thump followed by a sickening crack. i pull over to find that my fog light has not only escaped its hole but that the whole front lip of my beloved car has broken free from the frame. 

the man's senseless shouting suddenly takes on meaning, and i kind of hate myself for judging him so quickly. he probably wasnt even homeless. just a well meaning hipster. 

awkward is awesome.

sometimes you just act. ok maybe you dont. im going to stop accusing you of doing things and bring this back to me. sometimes i do things without thinking. in fact, one of the phrases I hear from those around me quite often is "what were you thinking?!" 

let me just make one thing clear i have never woken up and said to myself, "im gonna do something really awkward and ridiculous today!" but....it happens. 

exhibit a.

im in the store. its about 11:30pm. it smells like wet salad and new clothes. big superstores have always smelled weird to me. all i need is a box of snicker doodles and a pad of paper. my goal accomplished, i approach the check out line. there is a middle aged women attempting to appease an angry toddler. i guess he is maybe three years old and unaccustomed to the word no. there is a slobbery sucker hanging out of his mouth and his screeches are outdone only by his acrobatic attempts to escape his frazzled capter.

im awestruck and cant stop staring. overpriced candies and packages of gum are flying everywhere as this child's limbs rage out of control. 

suddenly the world goes unnaturally still as the tiny tyrant's sucker falls to the ground. 

the silence is short lived and the middleaged women shoots me a short look of terror as we hear the child take a deep breath and commence screaming but at a whole new intensity. 

this moment calls for a hero. unfortunately i am the only one around. i step forward and pick up the now fuzzy superstore floorified sucker. without thinking, and a bit robotically, as if my actions are beyond my control, i hand the contaminated sweet to the toddler.  

the kid goes quiet and stares at me in shock. then without looking away, in what appears to be slow motion, and to the horror of his chaperone, he pops the sucker into his mouth. 

i walk away. snicker doodles and paper forgotten, i head for the door, my car, anywhere but that awkward moment. 

however, just before passing through the automatic sliding doors, i pause to enjoy the tantrum free ambience that has rested upon the store and with a small smile think to myself--awkward is awesome.